Foreshadow - [VI]

Feb. 22, 2005

"In my journey through the depths of sanity, I've managed to reach a calm point. This may be false, but I'll take assurance in it. I'm not mad with anyone nor am I anxious about anything. Suprisingly I don't miss anyone from school even though I haven't seen them in only 4 days.
My friends, in my eyes, have been depreciated lately. It's not that I like them less or am mad about them or anything like that, I just took them off of a pedestal.
When I walked into the bandroom office this morning, I saw all of them sitting there. They were all of the slightest admiration to me. It was the first thing I noticed when I walked in there. There was no "special feeling" of excitement when I entered. I was there but I was not. There they sat and there I stood in two completely different realms of being.
Heather asked me for my home phone number and I gave it to her. I would have been complimented that she tried to call me this weekend because my cell phone was cut off but I wasn't. That was the only thing I remember doing when I walked in there. Did anyone else speak to me? I don't remember. If there was another conversation it was of little importance to me. I later excused myself from the office from lack of conversation involvement aand decided to go outside with the other band people.
Lately I feel empty inside. Not dark or sad or upset, just... hollow. I want to write a lot now."